sticksinthehead

life with sticks in one's head

“I want to go home”

leave a comment »

I find it infinitely confusing that, when I am really feeling shite (less often than before of course), but feeling the weight and the emptiness and the living death, a pleading refrain runs through my head that I cannot understand: “I want to go home”. What the fuck does it mean? It doesn’t mean I want to return to my parents’ house, or return to my apartment. Rather, I think it reflects on the homelessness of depression and its concurrent loneliness. In fact, I would suggest that depression is a form of homelessness, a form of homelessness so great that one would often rather die that live one moment longer in senseless, alienating pain. But what’s the home I’m longing for? Is it the home of mental acuity? I often think so. I suppose I’ve made my home, increasingly throughout my life, in the life of my mind. And depression is nothing if not the decay or even death of the mind.

Advertisements

Written by sticksinthehead

16 February 2011 at 6:25 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: