sticksinthehead

life with sticks in one's head

Post-op

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I forgot how annoying life is post-op. I remembered the soreness,  but not the inability to carry anything or ride a bike. Perhaps I am merely blaming my sutures — evil sutures! — for the fact that  things have taken a little dip. I don’t know why they have: is it the change in voltage, is my fucked up brain too smart even for cycling DBS? I still can’t remember anything. I didn’t do my peer review yesterday for my near-humourless class. I am worried about David but helpless. Sometimes I still want to give up, despite the distance traveled blah blah blah. No, that doesn’t mean I’m going to off myself. It just means that this isn’t good enough, and I’m afraid that this is as good as it is ever going to get. Feeling unhappy but not entirely shattered, lost, confused, scatterbrained, and as if I will never accomplish anything meaningful in this life. Yes, my definition of meaningful has changed. That does not account, though, for my frustration or alienation from trying to be a person.

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Written by sticksinthehead

12 April 2011 at 12:35 pm

Posted in The Mind/Brain

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